Holding Sorrow

Whoring is a business that puts one into contact with sadness. I’m not supposed to say that. I’ve reconnected with a few clients in the last few days, nervous for them, nervous for myself. Not that anyone’s in trouble, but that this kind of potential exposure can shake one’s convictions. For me, it’s my belief in the honesty of whoring. For them, their choice to pursue affection, connection, love.

Right now, holding sorrow, my first instinct is to be a caregiver. I’m heartbroken, and I’m — for the moment anyway — not able to do anything about it except to turn in and care for my own self. Which is the hardest thing to do. Which is why they hire, isn’t it? To be held.